Hey guys I know I haven’t posted in forever but I guess I haven’t felt this passionately about anything in awhile. This is literally what I think about 80% of the time. These are the top 20 guys from Game of Thrones I’d like to bone in order. Enjoy.
- Khal Fucking Drogo- He’s fucking perfect. He’s the leader of a fucking giant herd of horse lords, he’s big, he pulls off eye liner like a fucking g, and he’s got this thing going on THAT I LOVE where he’s an asshole to all people except for Dany. I hate that he’s dead because hes so amazing, but I’m glad he influenced Dany to stop being such a wuss and I’m especially thankful we got him in a few love scenes. Plus he killed Viserys and that automatically gets you to the top of the list.
- Bronn- ok seriously bronn is the fucking man. He’s goddamn hilarious and he clearly doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything except money, booze, and hoes. GIVE HIM MORE SCREEN TIME
- Jaime Lannister- A pretty boy who can also kill a bitch and has mad bank. He’s the perfect bro douchebag if it weren’t for that whole banging his twin sister thing, but I’m willing to look past that. If I could choose a time to bone him it would be after he had started his journey with Brienne, but before he lost the hand. But hey beggars can’t be choosers and I hear nub play can be fun.
- Robb Stark- Oh Robb you beautiful man. Clearly he’s made some mistakes but he is so fuckable. I think he reached his peak like right when he met whats her face when he was still winning shit and wasn’t so pussy whipped. Regardless I’m gonna miss looking at him and he also had my favorite accent on the show.
- Ned Stark- daddy stark was the best. Supes good looking, honor for days, but still with a bit of douchebaggery to him. (you don’t get bastards from nowhere) . I feel like it’d be fun to get him to be like uninhibited in bed since he’s so stoic in real life. RIP. You are always missed.
- Gendry- BOY IS LOOKIN DAMN FINE. Heres the thing though, I was way more into him before he pulled that innocent doe eyed shit with Mellisandre and was all excited to fuck her. I wanted him to pull a cocky move and be like “bitch I can get younger girls, look at me”. Oh well. It doesn’t mean I don’t love the way he looks covered in dirt or blacksmiths oil or whatever.
- Jon Snow- Ok he would’ve been further down the list because of all the sensitivity and the passionate “love making” in a fucking hot tub cave or whatever. But then he pulled the ultimate douche move, bailed on Ygritte, then sees her again and is like “aw come on baby I know you won’t hurt me.” She may have shot him but he lived through it and is hotter because of it. CROWS BEFORE HOES.
- J’aqen H’ghar- I know he doesn’t really have a face but whatever. I just feel like he’d be wild as hell and I’m into his streaky hair and the way he talks. I don’t know why everyone’s not just traveling to Braavos and finding some more of these guys to bone.
- Renly Baratheon- That homo could pull off an antler crown. I loved him. He was young, he was fun, he liked to hook. I don’t give a fuck with who. He’s hot. Personally I’d love to be Margaery in her proposal of a threesome with Loras.
- Beric Dondarrion- This guys been through a lot. I feel like all those deaths makes him a tortured soul and you cant help but to want to ease the ache. Plus errybody love an eyepatch.
- Jojen Reed- He’s incredibly annoying in the way he’s cryptic as shit about everything. But he’s bossy and I dig. I wish he wasn’t such a wuss letting his sister do everything but you cant deny the boys got swag.
- Tywin Lannister- hello alpha male. I don’t care that he’s old as shit and the biggest asshole and the worlds worst father. His power oozes from him and I just want to please him however he wants.
- Theon Greyjoy- This would be a hatefuck situation. Like god is he unlikeable. I really just want to shut him up and sometimes there’s only one way to do it. (this is while he still had a dick of course. Lolgirlsorry)
- Jorah Mormont- The ultimate friend zoner. I’d like to introduce him to the friends with benefits lifestyle. But hes gotta call me khaleesi.
- Daario Naharis- I dunno. He’s pretty I guess but his mouth is weird. I don’t really trust him but a one night stand sort of thing could be fun with him. Dany should’ve boned him post bath.
- Yoren- Not a typical choice but his protectiveness does something for me. RIP
- The Hound- I fucking love the hound. His face doesn’t bother me at all. I feel like he’s always bordering on like maybe going to rape you but not but you think he might. It’s a huge turn on. I definitely felt the heat with Sansa. She should’ve hit it when she had the chance.
- Tyrion Lannister- Yeah so he’s really short. But he’s got money and he’s funny and he likes to party. He’s a good t and you get the bonus of Bronn being around. Sansa could do worse. Bitch needs to deal and move on.
- Petyr Baelish- Now this guy’s probably kinky as fuck. Hopefully he’d treat me better than one of his whores but either way I’m too curious to not want to try it out. I feel like he punishes every girl for not being his precious Catelyn and I don’t hate it.
- Podrick Payne- I guess the kids got skills. Might as well try them out.
PEOPLE NOT TO BONE-
The mountain- unlike his brother, he lacks the complex eroticism of wondering if youre going to be raped. That shits happening. Sorry.
King Joffrey- whiney as shit and hed probably get self conscious about something and then kill you or make you beat a whore or whatever
Lancel Lannister- WHAT THE FUCK WAS CERSEI THINKING.THIS GUY IS THE ULTIMATE PUSSY AND I HATE HIM SO MUCH. DO. NOT. TOUCH.